Monday, November 10, 2003

goodbye, miss mouse...


i lost my pippa mouse today. with the help of dodi's blood, she did make it through surgery. however, opening her up revealed that not only was her stomach overwhelmed by a hard, lime-sized tumor, but there were also between 50 and 100 smaller tumors scattered throughout her body. while coming out of anesthesia, she went into shock. she stopped breathing while i was kissing her head and talking to her. she died in my arms at around 5pm.

pippa was abandoned in a muck bucket with three other kittens at the first veterinary practice that i worked at, about 4 and a half years ago. she was only 7 weeks old. one of the other kittens looked almost exactly like her, but i chose pippa because of her fat, round face and "chipmunk cheeks". she lived everywhere i lived--in my dorm room, in my series of apartments. she comforted me when i was sad. she was a little (okay, sometimes a lot) cranky with strangers, but she was a squishy lump of love to me. i absolutely cannot believe that when i go to bed tonight, she won't be there to jump up and snuggle with me.

thank you so much to everyone who's been there during pippa's sickness with kind thoughts and words. to all of you who pippa ever growled at, i am sure she did it with love. well, maybe not love, but i'm sure there was a hint of fondness... :)

goodbye, miss mouse. momma loves you.


Saturday, November 08, 2003

a quick pippa update...i've decided to let my boss go in and take a stomach biopsy from pippa on monday. i've had a long talk with dodi, and he has agreed to spend the day at the hospital as well in case the Dr thinks that a blood transfusion will lessen miss mouse's anesthetic risk (since she's so anemic). i figure with the biopsy results, i can at least decide if chemotherapy is a viable option or not. please keep pippa mouse in your thoughts on monday, and cross your fingers for a realistically chemo-treatable prognosis. she's only 4 years old, and while I don't want to prolong her suffering, I don't want to "give up" if there's anything I can do to fix her. (i know "give up" isn't the best word choice; i know that my job situation affords me the opportunity to explore different avenues that otherwise i literally might not be able to afford. just wanted to clarify that i don't think someone else in the same situation would be "giving up" if they chose to euthenize w/o further exploration...).

Thursday, November 06, 2003

i feel like i've hit a ten on the crappy-week-o-meter.

i've been sick all week, which isn't necessarily the worst possible thing, except that i hate being sick. but who doesn't? work on monday was about as horrible and stressful as it possibly could have been. i'd go into detail, but it would take far, far too long. that's all just crappy-week filler, anyway. the main thing that has me down right now is that last night, i found out that pippa has stomach cancer. most of you probably know that she's been sick for about 3 and a half months now, losing weight, refusing to eat, etc etc. i brought her in to work over the weekend so that someone could force feed her while mike and i were in the city, and since she was there, we did some more bloodwork and x-rays, and an ultrasound. she's severely anemic (normal kitty red blood cells should be at ~ 35%; pippa's are 17%). the new x-rays show a considerable increase in the size of her stomach wall, and the ultarsound shows it to be dense and inoperable. i have few to no options. i was a total and complete wreck last night. that cat has been everywhere i've been for the past 4 and a half years...she lived in the dorms with me, she's apartment hopped with me. she's my baby. i don't care if that sounds dumb. as up and down as the past three years have been, she's been through it all with me. and now she's sick and there's nothing i can do. i want to just crawl under my blankets and not come out.

meh.